i REGRET.
not loving my grandma enough.never talking to her at all.pulling away when i had to give her kisses(as a form of greeting and respect,when i see them call and kiss their cheeks,kinda like the french)not treasuring her.taking her for granted.never wondering how much she hurt inside.never smiling at her.
THEN,
she passed away.i cried not because of her,it was because the other were in GRIEF.crying for the sake of crying.I WAS STUPID.AT THE AGE OF 7.people passed.i cried.for?nothing.
LATER.
i think back
I REALISE.
I REGRET.
i TRY to change.
i WANT TO CHANGE.
i CANT.
why?
THE SAME REASON 8 YEARS AGO.
im TOO SHY.
i WANT to make them HAPPY.
saying her dish is NICE and i WANT ANOTHER BOWL.even though it tastes like EW.
wearing skirts and acting like a demeaur and polite girl.
FOR THEM.
greeting them with two KISSES even though im the only person left doing it.
see them at least once a week 'cos i KNOW IT MAKES THEM HAPPY.
what I DO.
never changes the FACT that
i cant ever say 'ILOVEYOU' to THEM.even though i feel like it.
i cant bring my deceased grandmother back.
but i can start Treasuring my living grandparents NOW.
LOVE them.
CHERISH them.
.sorry ah ma.i didnt have the chance to do all these things to you.
im sorry.
maybe one day i'll meet you again.then i'll do 'em.
but still.imsorry.